OnlyGrants
.net
NIH budget got you down?

Show me the grant money.

Desperate times call for desperate researchers.

The platform where scientists bare their research for the funding they deserve.

No spam, just raw science.

14,327
Desperate Researchers
$2.4M
Grants Funded
97%
Rejection Rate (Industry Avg)
342
R01s Written in Tears
BREAKING: Postdoc offers to name a protein after you for $500Tenured professor will review your manuscript for a coffeeNEW: Grad student will explain their thesis at parties so you don't have toPI hasn't seen their family in 3 grant cyclesBREAKING: Will run western blots in exchange for rent moneyLab just lost funding. Everything must go. Even the -80 freezer.NEW: Willing to add you as co-PI. No questions asked.Will present at your board meeting in a lab coat for credibilityBREAKING: Postdoc offers to name a protein after you for $500Tenured professor will review your manuscript for a coffeeNEW: Grad student will explain their thesis at parties so you don't have toPI hasn't seen their family in 3 grant cyclesBREAKING: Will run western blots in exchange for rent moneyLab just lost funding. Everything must go. Even the -80 freezer.NEW: Willing to add you as co-PI. No questions asked.Will present at your board meeting in a lab coat for credibility

Featured Researchers

Subscribe to support their work. They'll do almost anything.

🧠
Dr. Elena Vasquez
@elena_vasquez

Neuroscientist studying the neural basis of consciousness. Previously at MIT, now running an independent lab. Every subscription helps fund actual brain scans.

NeurosciencefMRIConsciousness
From $5/mo2 funders
🌊
Prof. Marcus Chen
@marcus_chen

Climate scientist and oceanographer. Spending my career measuring how fast the ice caps are melting, which is both my job and my existential crisis.

ClimateOceanographyArctic
From $5/mo1 funder
⚛️
Dr. Priya Sharma
@priya_sharma

Quantum physicist working on quantum computing error correction. Trying to make qubits behave, which is harder than herding Schrödinger's cats.

Quantum ComputingPhysicsQubits
From $5/mo1 funder
🧬
Dr. James Okafor
@james_okafor

Molecular biologist studying CRISPR gene editing in rare genetic diseases. When I'm not in the lab, I'm writing grants. It's a whole thing.

CRISPRGene TherapyMolecular Bio
From $5/mo1 funder
🔭
Dr. Sophia Kim
@sophia_kim

Astrophysicist hunting for exoplanets that could support life. I stare at stars professionally. Help me find Earth 2.0.

ExoplanetsAstrophysicsJWST
From $5/mo1 funder
⚗️
Dr. Alex Rivera
@alex_rivera

Computational chemist designing new drug molecules with AI. Teaching machines to think about molecules so I don't have to.

Drug DiscoveryAIChemistry
From $5/mo1 funder

Choose Your Level of Patronage

Every dollar goes directly to someone who should probably have gone to med school instead.

🍜
Ramen Tier
$5 /month
  • ✦ Access to researcher updates
  • ✦ Behind-the-scenes lab photos
  • ✦ A heartfelt thank you email (written during a 2am experiment)
  • ✦ The warm glow of keeping science alive
MOST DESPERATE
🔬
Equipment Tier
$50 /month
  • ✦ Everything in Ramen Tier
  • ✦ Exclusive unpublished data previews
  • ✦ Monthly "what went wrong" lab stories
  • ✦ Your name on the Acknowledgements page
  • ✦ A pipette tip named in your honor
🏛️
Endowment Tier
$500 /month
  • ✦ Everything in Equipment Tier
  • ✦ Co-authorship on a review paper
  • ✦ Private Zoom where they explain their thesis
  • ✦ A chair named after you (the folding kind)
  • ✦ Emotional support from a tenured professor

What Our Researchers Say

Real stories from real scientists who just want to do their jobs.

“I used to spend 80% of my time writing grants and 20% doing research. Now I spend 80% of my time making content for OnlyGrants and 20% doing research. Progress.”

Dr. Sarah Chen
Geneticist, 12th year postdoc

“My R01 was rejected for the 6th time. My OnlyGrants subscribers funded my whole sequencing run in a weekend. The NIH study section could never.”

Prof. James Okafor
Quantum Physicist, Unfunded

“Someone subscribed to my page and left a comment that said 'your gel electrophoresis is immaculate.' I have never felt more seen.”

Dr. Priya Sharma
Organic Chemist, Barely Solvent

Frequently Asked Questions

We anticipated your concerns. We're scientists, after all.

Is this real?
As real as that "preliminary data" in your last grant application. OnlyGrants is a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the state of research funding. But the struggle? That's very real.
Why do scientists need this?
Federal research funding has been slashed, grant success rates are at historic lows, and your average postdoc earns less than a first-year barista. We're not saying the system is broken, but the system is broken.
What kind of "content" do researchers post?
Get your mind out of the gutter. We're talking raw, unfiltered gel images. Sizzling hot PCR results. Late-night confocal microscopy sessions. You know, the good stuff.
Can I get a tax deduction?
We're scientists, not accountants. But we're pretty sure "patronage of the arts and sciences" has historical precedent. Ask your CPA. Or don't. We're not your PI.
What happens when funding is restored?
That's adorable that you think that's going to happen.

Got questions? Ideas? We're all ears.

Unlike your grant reviewer, we actually read these.